


Guilt Complex

by skyteglad



Category: Soul Eater
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-28 08:13:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16719672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyteglad/pseuds/skyteglad
Summary: Soul decided to stroll around Death Manor, and stumbled across something he's glad he saw.





	Guilt Complex

Meisters were used to getting hurt. They had to be, they were the forefront of combat - but even so, Soul couldn't stand to see those he loved in pain. Whether it be physical, emotional, mental - he couldn't bear it. It was never fair to him, that meisters had to set themselves on the line when weapons were just meant as just that: weapons. He had laid down his life many times for his meister, and he would continue to do so... but, Kidd wasn't his meister. Even as their souls connected, Kidd could never use Soul as a weapon, Soul could never protect him the way he could protect Maka.

Something, something, symmetry. Kidd had overcome so much throughout the time they had known each other - his bouts of neurosis had lessened over the years! But, Liz and Patty were his weapons, and Soul was not, and Soul had grown... okay with that. So long as he could protect him, in the coolest way he knew how.

The times have caught up with Kidd, a mix of hormones and stress and the trauma from the Kishin had finally overwhelmed the death god. Asura had wrecked them all, had shattered their cores and left all of his friends vulnerable, but they all showed it differently. Soul had thought Kidd was handling it well - he hadn't seemed damaged, or hurt, or afraid, at least whenever the weapon saw him. Only... normal. The normal Kidd Soul had grown to love.

But, was that really the case? It had been a couple of months since the final battle, since it all came to an end and everything was safe. Time hadn't really existed to Soul; it simultaneously felt like only a week ago, and five years in the past. Hell, five years ago he had _met_ Kidd, and now he couldn't think of a world without him in it. They were older now, graduated from the DWMA, with Soul living with his whole little crew. Naturally, in Death Manor - as much as he and Maka adored their little apartment... they couldn't squeeze that many people in, nor would they want to.

He'd adjusted to that change easily! He'd adjusted to roaming the halls and idly appreciation the care Kidd put into the little details - wall ornaments hanging as perfectly as possible, the rug always being smooth on the ground, and so on. BlackStar, of course, always made a mess of things, but that was to be ignored. Soul roamed down the halls sometimes, late at night, just to hear the sound of his own feet against the tiles, against the rug, the gentle plap bringing him an odd comfort that he was still connected to this world, that insanity had stopped spreading.

Ruby eyes remained shut as he moved along the halls, leaning against the walls and letting them guide him to his blind destination. He was cool like that, able to flawlessly navigate a manor he had walked through a thousand times. Don't let him think that wasn't cool. It was nice. The rain outside was gentle, soft, echoing through the city and purring through his ears. Everyone was asleep, everything was sound, Soul had peace within himself. 

A distant echo had caught his attention, a cry that was muffled by the rain and by distance and by wood. It was mourning, weeping, devastated. Without a second thought, Soul's peace shattered as his eyes flew open, jolting towards the sound. A choked sob, one that could easily be overlooked by most others. But Soul was alert - he had been ever since Asura - and his protective nature only grew. With a quickened pace, he rushed towards the noise, pausing in front of the room which concealed it, heart sinking a little.

He was used to the others' crying. Not used to it in a way that made him apathetic, but in a way that he could handle and not be surprised or anxious. Hell, even BlackStar had days where he fell apart, and Soul would happily pick up the pieces in as calm a way as possible. But, Kidd wasn't like the others. He held himself together with precision, and when he broke down it was either controlled, or over an absence of perfection. The latter had grown infrequent, and this... didn't fit either.

With a deep breath, and a steady hand, Soul slowly pushed the door open, peaking into the room with a soft 'hey’. Kidd had been curled on his bed, sitting up and holding a pillow close to his chest, back facing the door - the alert that someone had entered sending a jolt through him. He grew stiff, and Soul grew more concerned. **”Kidd? You okay?"** Kidd hardly responded, just hugging the pillow closer. He sniffed a few times, wiping his face and straightening his back, looking back towards his close friend.

 **"I am doing well, thank you for asking."** It wasn't unlike Kidd to be... proper when he was hurting, but it _was_ unlike him to act this way when something was clearly bothering him. It only confirmed Soul's suspicions that the reaper was not upset for mere compulsive reasons. After a long silence, one in which the weapon considered his options and his best course of action, he exhaled and responded bluntly. **"No, you're not."** Digging his hands into his pockets, Soul closed the door behind him with his foot, and sat next to his friend on the bed.

The reapers response was to stiffen further, to hide himself against the pillow, to avoid facing Soul - and it took only a moment for the scythe to realize why. An all too familiar sight of blood on sheets was all the reasoning he needed. They sat in silence, for a long, long time. Soul's heart was heavy, the rain outside the only tether he had at the moment. He was unsure of what Kidd needed. He was unsure of how to help - no matter how hard he related, it didn't mean they got through things the same way.

After a long while, Kidd finally spoke up. Soul was surprised - he hadn't been expecting it, but he hadn't been expecting many things. **"Many innocent souls died under my watch,"** his voice was steady, but mournful. Regretful. Soul could feel guilt exuding from within Kidd's soul. **"I am a reaper. I'm meant to protect them - I was meant to keep them safe from what a Kishin brings."** Soul neared his dear friend, slow and cautious, wrapping his arms around him as Kidd continued. **"I failed hundreds, thousands, maybe even millions of innocent lives, and - and all for what? How could I fail them?"**

With arms wrapped close around Kidd, Soul shook his head gently, stroking his back, careful to not ruffle the perfect cloth beneath. Kidd continued for a short while, talking slow and meticulous, as if this was all he knew how to do to cope, each word full of purpose. As he continued, his steady facade crumbled, more and more, and before too long, he was clinging tightly into Soul's chest, voice incomprehensible, until he stopped speaking and began apologizing. With an exhale and a squeeze, Soul gave a lopsided, shark-like grin. **"Did you get that out? Because, I've got something important to tell you, ya hear me?"**

**"You are without a doubt the coolest dude I know, and that's coming from the coolest dude around. You didn't fail anyone - you're Death the frickin' Kidd. People did die, a lot of people died, but not a single one was your fault. You fought, and fought, and tried to keep everyone safe and everyone okay, and sure, it didn't work out in the end, but life is cruel like that. What's important is that you tried, and now, thanks to you and your help, no one else will fall due to that jackass. I know, I know it's easy to wrap yourself up so much in grief, and guilt, and the thought of failure that you can't... break out of it - but that's okay. You have us. You've got me."**

Giving Kidd a light headbutt, Soul grinned wider, hoping to whatever God is out there that this is working at least somewhat. **"And I'm way too stubborn to ditch you and let you beat yourself up."** Kidd was... quieter, his sobs softer, and it was clear he'd been listening. Soul had no idea whether or not he was helping, or if his words were making things worse. But, after a moment, Kidd gave a nod, lifting his head and placing it against Soul's chest.

>b?"You can't blame yourself for the deaths of that many when it was someone else's fault. No one man, army, or god can stop that kind of thing. If you let us, though, we'll help you feel like you can make things right. We'll make sure everything turns out cool in the end." Letting Kidd sit up, seeming... a lot more calm now, Soul took his hands in his own. **"Let's go fix you up."**


End file.
